New Jon vs

by Jon Sullivan - 2023-09-08 - Jonism

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I was caught off guard by the folks disappointed that I was moving on from "New Jon" posts.

For me the New Jon vs Old Jon posts that have dominated the last year or so are tedious and repetitive and circular. Sure, it's my personal and non-monetized blog. I should be posting whatever silly shite crosses my mind. But the whole process, from crying with joy over JPop videos to partying with dead heads, has been very annoying and even frightening. For the first time in years I feel normal instead of abnormal. And honestly I feel like my whole life up to now has been filled with mistakes and misunderstandings, and it's finally resolved. Even though I didn't try. I didn't seek enlightenment, I just fell into it. Okay. Whatever. I made it here, and I'm happy to leave the past behind. I've over analyzed it and wasted too much time trying to force it to be logical. Talking about it was entertaining more than it was enlightening.

So the idea that I've become an inspiration due to that repetitive bad grammar seems odd. Or interesting. Or inspiring? For me it was always just a journal, a diary, a disjointed memoir. For me it was always just a place for my stuff. Now I guess it's bigger than that? Maybe it was always bigger than that? Maybe I created a virtual space that is worth being tended to, and I'm too lazy to accept the duty? I don't know. But I guess I need to figure it out?

So..... I'm asking...... What the fuck should I be posting here so that people will get some value from it? Yes, of course, it's my blog and I can post however I want. But that is just an accurate answer with no real value. I guess I don't understand why my struggle to accept joy in my life ever inspired anyone. I get that it's been a notable journey from suicidal broken alcoholic hermit, to kindly joyous hippie cenobite. But it's not been some scholarly exploration of one man's journey to enlightenment. It's been a vapid series of unrelatable vignettes. Hey, videos of people becoming happy makes me happy. That's so profound? If so, I can share endless videos that have made me happy. I saved them. Or is the value here just ME becoming happy?

If that's the case, I'm not sure how much I can write about being happy. It feels boring to me. I really feel like the "journey" has largely come to an end. At 60 I needed to figure out how to live life as an old man, and leave my young man's bullshit behind, and stop HATING myself, and now I've figured that out. Sadly, I don't have any wisdom to share beyond this ---- Be kind to everyone. Share rather than hoard. Don't waste time on hate. Don't do it alone. Basically - Peace, light, love, joy. No.... Not basically...... Fundamentally - Peace, light, love, joy.

Peace, light, love, joy. Five years ago I would have shamelessly ridiculed such a thing. These days I wonder if it should be tattooed on my body.

I sat out on the balcony sipping my morning coffee as the sun came up. I was thinking about Jesus and his teachings about love - Love your neighbor as yourself. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Honor one another above yourselves. For with the measure you use, it will be measured against you. Nice ideas, but they killed him for it. As I sat out there I thought about the hate killings we've learned to accept in this country. How we've weaponized bigotry to the point where it's seen as virtue. I thought about how much the world could use a secular Jesus right now. Because the holy one seems past It's expiration date or something.

I'm sure many will not be happy about a proud atheist using the words of the Bible for his own secular joy cult. But Jesus is my favorite socialist. And I am famously all in with the socialism. So you can like it or leave it.

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