The grievances

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-10-15 - Status

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It's not all altruism and virtues. Some of the stuff here is a big fucking mess.

My apartment complex is wonderfully quiet and peaceful. Not living directly next to a massive freeway is very nice. Not having helicopters buzzing the neighborhood all night, also nice. But somehow I ended up near the regional train hub where they blare mankind's loudest air horns 24 hours a day. It's not non-stop, but seems to happen whenever I'm trying to fall asleep, or out on the patio enjoying the peace and quiet while sipping a coffee. It's annoying. And I know what you're saying. "Wow, Jon sure has gone soft. What a spoiled pampered little baby." Well kiss my ass. It always goes like this - "Wow... so tranquil here." AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN AIR HORN.

One of the things that is really making it all complicated is exactly what everyone warned me about. The crime and homelessness. But I brushed it off. I mean ffs I'm from San Diego. It's a big city. I sometimes had homeless people sleeping a few feet from my bed (on the other side of the wall obviously). I know about crime and homelessness. But here it's clearly so far beyond what we had in San Diego. Back in the "big city" I felt comfortable wandering around downtown and parks and dark places at 4am for walkies and night photos. Here I'm not even close to comfortable at night outside the sanitized suburbs where I live. I went out this morning for sunrise photos and balked over and over when it turned out the spot I'd picked was behind a locked gate and I'd have to park my new car in a sketchy place and walk into the dark with 10k in camera gear. I'm not being snobbish. The news is filled with stories of local stabbings and bomb threats. The property crime here is literally double what it was in San Diego. Double. I forgot one of the things I've known for years - Crime is worse in small towns than cities. I'll get it worked out. I just need to learn what's safe and what's not.

I'm missing the same day Amazon delivery. I'm missing the culture. I'm missing the epic food delivery. I'm missing the walkability, though downtown is quite walkable.

I wish I had planned all this better. It would have made sense to figure out how I was going to live my life before I had so much stuff thrown out or hauled away. While it's very nice to finally have all my stuff as I want it, rather than how it just all ended up after dividing up the detritus of half a dozen divorces and failed relationships, it's been expensive. I love my desk and my proper living/dining area. But it's all cost so much I'm going to just be in denial about it. Because otherwise it's all been so wastefully self-indulgence that I won't be able to enjoy it.

Oh well.

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