The vinegar problem

by Jon Sullivan - 2024-05-05 - Food

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>        album containing this post's photo

I know how to ferment foods. A lot. Or do I??? WTF is going on.....

On the possibility that I'm a player in this simulation, rather than an NPC, I'm working on "in-game" achievements. The current quest being worked on is making homemade vinegars. Perhaps a blackberry vinegar for vinaigrettes. A thick red chili vinegar for hot sauce. A red onion vinegar for that classic pickled onion flavor. A smoky chipotle vinegar for marinades.

Why do I need so much vinegar, one might ask. "Jon, why do you need so much vinegar?" Well I'm glad you asked. I don't. At all. And making a quart of peach vinegar so that I can use a tablespoon of it in a peach chutney is idiotic since peach chutney is already mainly made from.... you know..... peaches. But I'm Jon, so as usual need and reason are never part of motivation in this household. It doesn't matter that it's silly and pointless.

And making vinegar is a pretty simple process. Use yeast to convert the sugars to alcohol, then introduce acetobacter bacteria to convert the alcohol to acetic acid. Over the decades I've made hundreds of gallons of beer and cider, many batches of fermented pickles, an endless variety of kombuchas (try tomato basil), etc. I once fermented cat food. I know how to ferment. So this will be super easy. I mean.... Like crazy easy. You sort of have to go out of your way to *prevent* things from fermenting. So yeah, super easy. I have a gallon of kombucha going in my pantry. The fridge has lots of fermented pickles and sauerkraut. I think I got this /sarcasm.

So far nothing I have tried for vinegar will ferment. At all. In complete violation of all biological and chemical laws of the universe, I have two quarts of inert sugary liquid. Do you have any idea how hard it is to prevent an open quart of sugary liquid at room temperature from fermenting? One should be doing an initial fermentation into peach cider, and the other should be turning into a hoppy beer vinegar. Both are laughing at me. "HA!!!! Jon is a loser who can't make yeast do the only thing yeast does." It's not fair. In fact it's pretty solid evidence we live in a simulation and this is a coding bug.

I have, no doubt, fucked it up somehow. My peaches likely had some sulfur dioxide on them or something. My beer vinegar likely had a bad mother.

So we start over. Restart the peach cider with raw fruit. Restart the beer vinegar with some unfiltered beer and set it out on the balcony. Try not fermenting out there you little bitch.

Today's photo : My test recipe for the zucchini crepes with bacon jam. One of the delights in my life is how well cooking fancy food and photography go together. It's sort of art made from art. This dish will be a keeper. Bacon jam takes forever to make, but it has so much salt and vinegar in it I'm guessing it will last a long time too. And it would be to make these ahead and have them for camping events and such. Yummy photo. Oh.... Hmmm.... Bacon vinegar maybe?

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
News
Eugene weather
63.28 degrees F, Clouds (overcast clouds)
Min: 61.7 ,Max: 66.25 ,Humidity: 82, Wind: 8.05
Eugene, OR - Best Restaurants
Eugene, OR - Things to do
Eugene, OR - Fish reports
Oregon road conditions
Recent Posts
- Jon is.....
    Unknown forces changed who I am three years ago. I suspect more is needed.
- Fake
    The amount of fake "photos" online is starting to worry me.
- Jon is green
    Some short takes on my exciting life while global warming slowly kills us all.
- Adventure
    Two years ago I was in San Diego packing up all my stuff. I wrote down some goals. How has that worked out?
- Love
    A year ago I went to a party that changed who I am and how I live. I went again this year.
- Pizza?
    For The Solstice gathering in Kalispell, may I take your order?
- Jonism
    There was a FB post asking people to post three things they are grateful for. I find that limiting.
Food I Cooked
Old School Blogroll
kottke.org
Home of fine hypertext products.
MetaFilter
A community weblog.
A Chicken Is Not Pillage
You forgot his exclamation point! It defines him. He put it there for a reason, to show how in! your! face! he is.
jessamyn.com
abada abada - twenty years of jessamyn
Matt Haughey
A Whole Lotta Nothing
dooce
Heater, Mother Of Lance
Anil Dash
A blog about making culture. Since 1999.
Some Bits
Nelson's weblog
Everlasting Blort
proud member of the reality-based community
Whatever
This machine mocks fascists
Scripting News
It's even worse than it appears.
Flutterby
Short attention spans in a world full of flowers
mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
Montreal City Weblog
Stupid Evil Bastard
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Idle Words
brevity is for the weak
Making Light
Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate.
wilwheaton.net
50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong
Justin Hall
Growing & breaking down since 1994
Mike the Mad Biologist
Helping idiots who desperately need my assistance by calling them fucking morons since 2004
jwz
MSSV
AKMA’s Random Thoughts
Ruminations about hermeneutics, theology, theory, politics, ecclesiastical life… and exercise.
things magazine
An occasional weblog about objects, collections and discoveries
Miscellaneous Heathen
Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past.
kimberussell.com
where it's always Virgo Season
Cockeyed
Recent Trips
Getting it ready for you.