Is Jon okay?

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-10-27 - Status

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I seriously wonder. This seems insane. I'm too comfortable with things that were completely avoided a few years ago.

Yesterday I found myself standing in the parking lot of a strip mall and just drinking it in as waves of joy washed over me. I texted my sister - "This is so wonderful. I'm literally standing here in a sea of joy. Like standing RIGHT HERE. So happy." She assumed I had gotten into some questionable mushrooms by mistake. But no. I was just at the mall. Shopping for shirts. Which brought me joy. Then after I got my shirts, and a joy-making hat, and chatted with some delightful store clerks about how wonderful the rain was, I headed to the grocery store to get the fixins for TG test recipes. While there, of course I got some Halloween candy to hand out when the neighborhood children knocked on my door.

Wait...... What...... That can't be right.....

Yep. For the first time in my life I will be handing out candy at Halloween. First time ever. Maybe some of you don't know what this means. For the last 20 years I have avoided answering the door, at all, ever. Sure, if I'm expecting something I need to sign for, or whatever, but that's rare. So with old Jon people would knock on the door and I wouldn't even check to see who it was. They were not welcome, and if I answered it was going to be in a rage at them bothering me. Yet now.... I always answer the door with a smile. And I'll be happily giving treats and fun compliments to children on Halloween until I run out of children. For no reason other than that it's Halloween and I'm pretty sure happy children will make me so happy I may shoot rainbows out my ass.

It would be easier if I could blame some questionable mushrooms.

But I can't, so I'm at a total loss to answer this question that keeps me up at night. But.... it doesn't even keep me up at night. I sleep quite well. What about other symptoms indicating I might be insane and I need to get help?

Feelings of guilt? No, in fact I'm done with guilt, which used to be crippling but is now gone. Sadness or irritability? No, rather the opposite, which I'm sure can be blamed on Stoicism, and is a nice change. Obsession with certain thoughts? Just thoughts of how happy I am, and how that was almost never the case before. Inability to cope with daily problems? No, I get work done, chores taken care of, etc. Daily problems seem to take care of themselves with less effort now. Stoicism again? Problems with alcohol or drug use? No, this is the most sober I have ever been since I was first not sober. Suicidal ideation? No, in fact those thoughts are gone for the first time in a long time. Extreme mood swings? No, it's been joy on tap for a while now. Though one might see me sometimes go from "joy" to joy bubbling over and happy tears spilling out. Unusual, intense feelings? Oh... Okay.... now we have something. YES. Unusually intense happiness. Is that a condition? So should I get that fixed? Can I not please?

I went out for walkies this morning. It was 44 degrees, there was mud and rotting leaves. But I had a great time. It was very nice to get some good exercise. Life seems so good. I guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts. With winter coming, maybe I'll buy more shirts. More joyful shirts.

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