by Jon Sullivan - 2023-01-09 - Status<<<<< previous blog next blog >>>>> album containing this post's photo
A lot of things. A lot of people. A lot of life. A lot of adventure. A lot of photos. A lot of growth and learning. A lot of Jon.
As 2022 rolled over into 2023, at the top of my mind was - I don't feel normal. I keep asking people, "Does this seem okay? Am I crazy?" I don't feel crazy. But this wonderful life, all this joy, all this beauty..... I've never been this way. Never had this life. I know a lot of it is just in my head. I've changed pretty radically, and it's obvious that opening the door to pure joy on the regular is....... well..... different. I don't understand where all the joy came from, or why, or whether to really be concerned. I've asked lots of people. They don't know either. I wish I could bottle it up and give it to you. I wish I could just send you a BabyMetal video, or tell you to hire Marilee as a life coach, or have a severe brain injury out in the desert, or hide from all human contact for a couple years, or Stoic the shit out of it all, or........ whatever the hell happened to me....... And then you'd have some of this joy. It sounds stupid, but I have more than I need. Finding joy wasn't a thing I even knew I wanted or needed, and it just happened unbidden for me. I wish I could give that to all of you. I really do. Please have some joy. Please.
And as 2023 begins, more than anything, I look forward to more adventures. It's been incredible adventures every weekend here. Yesterday I drove 530 miles in search of great photos. I don't think I got anything "great", but sometimes that doesn't even matter. Sometimes the beauty is better resolved in the eye than the camera. The colors at Smith Rock in winter look bland in my photos, but it was still magical to be there in person. The ultra green of the river valleys here never looks right on my computer. And the low contrast snow, yet high dynamic range of a forest in winter is uncapturable in camera. So after 530 miles the photos are just "good". But the adventure was incredible.
More people. In 2023 I plan on there being more people. My NYE was one of the best days of my life. And it was the wonderful magical incredible people I was with that made it a best day I'll bring with me forever. I need more people. I worry I don't know how to do people anymore. I worry I'm too eager to dive in and hug and engage and trust completely. I used to worry about being inappropriate in a sociopathic way. Now I worry I'll leave myself way too open and accepting to sociopaths. How odd that full circle is. It doesn't matter. More people. I will hug them. They will think I'm odd. I will be.
I want to get in better shape in 2023. There are still some hikes I'm too old and fat to attempt. That needs to change. In 2023 I want to cook more. The minimalist cooking style of the last few years is fine, and healthy, but I want more incredible meals. In 2023 I want more Oregon. I want to explore and find all the magic here. I want 2023 to be the year of New Jon. I want to find out who New Jon is.
But most of all I want to give you all some of the endless joy and confidence and comfort I've found. Just bottle it up and give it to you. Because I have so much of it.<<<<< previous blog next blog >>>>>