Time is not kind

by Jon Sullivan - 2020-02-21

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>

I wish I had more time. That seems like a good sign actually. Since I remember bad years where I was glad to see the day end.

No matter what I've done over the decades, all of the wonderful things and people and places, my bucket list has never gotten shorter. And the easy items are all crossed off. I'm getting old, and we all die. As time runs out, only the hard ones remain.

My many addictions seem to run serially rather than in parallel. One month it will be putting the rest of my life on hold to perfect a homemade bread photo. The next, everything is ignored while I level my Warcraft hunter. But one theme these days is that I just don't have enough time. I should be bored. Living alone, cable cut, rarely going out. Yet I seem to end each day disappointed at the need for sleep.

Not enough time.

I remember when I was young I always thought there would be time for all "that" later. Where "that" would be all manner of things I put aside so I could be irresponsible. But at 57 the hourglass is running out. I should have saved more money. I should have worked out more and ate right. I should have been a nicer person. I think I always had faith that science and technology would take care of it. Now it's obvious that while it might someday, it won't in my lifetime.

Time failed me.

So now I tend to not take time for granted. More planning. Less impulse. Being at least somewhat responsible. But I'll still certainly not have enough time, as it's mostly run out already. I'd love to learn guitar for real, but I probably won't. No time. I'd love to know Spanish, but I probably won't. No time. I'll be at an age people start dying of soon. That's a pretty hard cap on time.

Maybe time didn't fail me. Maybe I failed at time.

Buy prints

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
2020-02-25 08:35:42 : No, time is not kind. I feel this so deeply. That I could and should have done better. I should have appreciated more, given more, noticed more. Forgave myself more. I feel like I've wasted the last 8 years. And that's a really long fucking time. I'm hoping to make up for it in the next eight and hopefully luce for another eight after that. There's no guarantee, and that is something I'm aware of every damn day.

2020-02-25 08:36:20 : So, yes, I wish I had more time. My mortality whispers at me.

Jon Sullivan
2020-02-25 08:42:54 : /hug

With Google To Leave a Comment:
<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
San Diego weather
63.59 degrees F, Clouds (broken clouds)
Min: 60.17 ,Max: 67.59 ,Humidity: 79, Wind: 8.05
San Diego - Hot new Restaurants
San Diego - Things to do
Recent Posts
- Stream of Consciousness 2
    Yesterday I mentioned the "no inner monologue" form of consciousness that some people have. I'm still confused.
- Stream of Consciousness
    The voices in my head are telling me to do things. Specifically, reduce the size of the Thanksgiving menu. Trigger warning for people who only like cute fluffy posts.
- Thanksgiving 2021
    Final draft of the tentative plan for the possible Thanksgiving menu.
- More FF XIV
    The process of replacing WoW continues. So far so good.
- I should have.....
    Over the years I've read plenty of articles where the author asks old folks what they wish they'd done differently when they were younger.
- About that.....
    Finally Jon is the target of cancel culture. Probably well deserved if I'm honest....
- Some days.....
    Some days I just struggle to find any hope for the future of this species.
Food I Cooked
Old School Blogroll
Home of fine hypertext products.
A community weblog.
A Chicken Is Not Pillage
You forgot his exclamation point! It defines him. He put it there for a reason, to show how in! your! face! he is.
abada abada - twenty years of jessamyn
Matt Haughey
A Whole Lotta Nothing
Heater, Mother Of Lance
Anil Dash
A blog about making culture. Since 1999.
Some Bits
Nelson's weblog
Everlasting Blort
proud member of the reality-based community
This machine mocks fascists
Scripting News
It's even worse than it appears.
Short attention spans in a world full of flowers
mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
Montreal City Weblog
Stupid Evil Bastard
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Idle Words
brevity is for the weak
Making Light
Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate.
50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong
Justin Hall
Growing & breaking down since 1994
Mike the Mad Biologist
Helping idiots who desperately need my assistance by calling them fucking morons since 2004
AKMA’s Random Thoughts
Ruminations about hermeneutics, theology, theory, politics, ecclesiastical life… and exercise.
things magazine
An occasional weblog about objects, collections and discoveries
Miscellaneous Heathen
Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past.
where it's always Virgo Season
World of Warcraft
Getting it ready for you.
Recent Trips
Getting it ready for you.