Okay... Let's talk...

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-10-22 - Stories

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So it has been brought up that maybe I'm being way too capital H Heavy and turning simple things into some grandiose production. Let's talk about that.

Okay. I get it. It's been brought up. I'm listening. I hear you. So it's being suggested I should perhaps dial it back and okay, I see the point. The Stoic stuff has been beaten to death yet I'm still wasting hours blogging about it. Let alone turning it over and over AND OVER for months now. I get it.

And as if I needed more understanding that maybe.... perhaps.... some might say.... I could dial it back a few.... Well, this just literally happened.

So I go into the bathroom and the toilet seat lid is down. That's odd..... Why is the towel seat lid down? I never do that in my own house. I mean sure, if I'm over at someone else's home and the seat lid is down when I go in I'll be a polite guest and damn well make sure it's down when I leave. I'm not a monster. I can queue up some manners when the context requires it. But in my own apartment it just doesn't make sense. I never leave it that way. So.... why....??? Why did I do it the last time I pooped or peed or whatever? Was I hiding something? Was I ashamed of something?

[editor's note - Okay folks I have no idea. So belt up or whatever 'cause this is obviously going to be some grade A bullshit. heh..... heh.... no..... I wasn't going for a pun. Seriously. But you understand me right? He's gone mental. Let's all watch his mind go. Should be fun.]

But why? I'm not being mental. You see this too right? The toilet seat lid is down, right? I never leave it like that, yes?

[editor's note - Why are you acting like you are asking me? I'm literally just an awkward rhetorical device you keep using for no reason. We aren't having a conversation here. This is all you. Do you not understand that?]

Sure. Yes. I wish you wouldn't be that way, but sure. "It's all me." There. Happy? We good? Now all I'm asking is, why is the

[editor's note - IT'S A FUCKING TOILET!!!! PEOPLE SOMETIMES PUT THE FUCKING SEAT DOWN!!?? Dude..... Please... you are the only one here. I promise..... no.... no.... listen..... This is a safe place. I promise you are the only one here. It's your toilet, you put the lid down, no one is hiding anything. WHY AM I EVEN...... You need to implement emojis here, because fucking eyeroll emoji dude..... ]

Can you please not be that way? Okay. I'm sorry. I upset you, and that was wrong, and please help me learn from my mistake and grow. But for now, can you please just confirm for people reading right now that the lid down is weird, and "someone" might be hiding something or be ashamed of something? Shouldn't we at least dismiss that and not just sweep it under the rug? I mean we both see it right there, yes? The lid is literally and physically down. Maybe we should.... I don't know..... take a look???? Why is this so hard for you?

[editor's note - Seriously? We're doing this? We're seriously doing this right now? And "for people reading"??? What the fudge? No one is reading this right now. You haven't posted it yet. You want to see what's under the id? Lift the fucking lid. Why am I even giving you permission to.... Seriously? You are alone in your apartment. This is NOT A CONVERSATION.]

Okay, I'm lifting the lid. Should I lift the lid? Yikes right?? Precautions maybe? I'm doing it.

[editor's note - I'm done with this. Leave me out of it.]

Hmmm... nothing..... there..... What does that mean? The lid is down but there's nothing there. Surely it means something. I suppose you could..... Wait, what the hell is that thing?

[editor's note - Dude, I'm not looking in your toilet for you. You are the only one here. How would I even...... Oh..... What the fuck is that?]

Okay. Good. So you see it too? It looks kind of like a..... hmmmm.... Let me get a closer

[editor's note - DON'T TOUCH IT for fuck sake dude??!! You almost fucking just touched it. Come on man don't. Just leave it. ]

I'm going to use a tissue. I think I can pick it up here. See? It's like a... SHIT!!! IT FELL APART!!! Did you see it just do that? I hardly even..... Where did the other half go? I don't see it here.

[editor's note - Jon..... drop the tissue.... no..... seriously no. Drop the tissue.... flush the toilet... and back the fuck out of.... NO!!! Jon? No? Stop!!! DO NOT TASTE IT!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!??]

Ick. That's gross.

[editor's note - It was in your toilet you moron!!! Do not pull things out of your toilet and fucking taste them!!!]

Yep. Yep. You were right. Ick. I'm going to flush it and move on. There. See. All gone. You can stop grabbing my arm like that at any time. All done. Don't get so worked up.

[editor's note - Please implement emojis. Because hashtag double fucking facepalm or whatever.]

So yes. I get it. Message received. I make a big deal out of nothing. I let trivial shit go round and round in my head. And I should listen to the inner voice telling me to flush it and move on. Good point, well made. Good food for thought. And I will mull it over. Thank you.

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