Courage is a virtue

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-12-29 - Jonism

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>        album containing this post's photo

I had something happen recently that showed me how mentally strong I can be when needed.

I'm not going to share what it was, because it's personal and no one's business. But there were a few hours where I was in a very bad place, had no good options, and the only paths forward were to either 100% melt down, or 100% dive into something that felt way way beyond what I could handle. I'm not ashamed to admit I was filled with terror at the prospect. You all would have understood if I gave up and accepted that I was too weak. I'm glad I didn't.

It was one of those times when I walked into the fire alone and afraid, tried and failed over and over, but stayed with it and eventually came out the other side, successful. Days later I'm still struck by the sense of inner courage and strength I came away with.

I'd contrast that with the way I lived my life back in the San Diego days. Blinds permanently drawn, never answering the door, never answering the phone, avoiding being around people. I remember thinking back then that it was courageous to accept being a hermit and living completely alone. It feels more like failing now. It feels more like I gave up. Of course it worked for my needs. No doubt about that. It cured the social anxiety and self-loathing and constant fear. I was never around others, so no anxiety about being around others.

It's just another of those "New Jon" things that keep surprising me and bringing me joy. I was expecting change here. I wasn't expecting the depth of existential and mental transformation that's taken place. Still taking place I guess. One of the surprises is that courage to take the hard path over the easy path. Either will work in the end, but one is succeeding and one is failing, one builds on character and one chips away at it.

We discount courage too often. It's important. Not just courage to face the world we wander around in, but also the courage to believe in ourselves. Courage to take on the hard stuff inside us. The insecurity. The guilt. The fear. The unknown. The tests. The untried. The dark corners. The courage to know we're a mess, know it may be impossible, but still dealing with it because it needs to be dealt with somehow. The courage to believe in yourself.

A wizard once said - Courage is found in unlikely places. Make sure one of those places is inside yourself.

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
Eugene weather
85.48 degrees F, Clouds (few clouds)
Min: 83.95 ,Max: 87.73 ,Humidity: 36, Wind: 6.91
Eugene, OR - Best Restaurants
Eugene, OR - Things to do
Eugene, OR - Fish reports
Oregon road conditions
Recent Posts
- Pizza?
    For The Solstice gathering in Kalispell, may I take your order?
- Jonism
    There was a FB post asking people to post three things they are grateful for. I find that limiting.
- Bukowski
    There was a quote about loneliness vs freedom I meant to write about. But as usual with Bukowski, things veered.
- The vinegar problem
    I know how to ferment foods. A lot. Or do I??? WTF is going on.....
- Test recipes
    I like to cook delicious food. Cooking the same thing twice bores me. Time for more test recipes.
- Drinking poison
    Booze is expensive legal poison with no medical use. Yet drinking it is an American virtue. We are sheep.
- Spring fling
    So we rode north, seeking adventure.
Food I Cooked
Old School Blogroll
Home of fine hypertext products.
A community weblog.
A Chicken Is Not Pillage
You forgot his exclamation point! It defines him. He put it there for a reason, to show how in! your! face! he is.
abada abada - twenty years of jessamyn
Matt Haughey
A Whole Lotta Nothing
Heater, Mother Of Lance
Anil Dash
A blog about making culture. Since 1999.
Some Bits
Nelson's weblog
Everlasting Blort
proud member of the reality-based community
This machine mocks fascists
Scripting News
It's even worse than it appears.
Short attention spans in a world full of flowers
mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
Montreal City Weblog
Stupid Evil Bastard
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Idle Words
brevity is for the weak
Making Light
Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate.
50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong
Justin Hall
Growing & breaking down since 1994
Mike the Mad Biologist
Helping idiots who desperately need my assistance by calling them fucking morons since 2004
AKMA’s Random Thoughts
Ruminations about hermeneutics, theology, theory, politics, ecclesiastical life… and exercise.
things magazine
An occasional weblog about objects, collections and discoveries
Miscellaneous Heathen
Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past.
where it's always Virgo Season
Recent Trips
Getting it ready for you.