Alone

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-03-29 - Stories

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>

On balance, my many years on this blue dot circling the sun lead me to the conclusion I'm better off alone. But at what cost?

If you click on the photo in this post a couple times you'll get to the Google photos version you can zoom in on. But even zoomed in you can't really make out the dozen or so people I walked past that morning who were sleeping on the sidewalk along the bay. It was a very cold morning. As Americans, how often do we stop to notice, not the homeless, but deeper, how much suffering we let people endure? In poorer countries there might be a social safety net. In an America that prioritized (rather than demonized) virtue and grace the homeless would be rare, rather than common.

I don't judge. I know that I could be there. Much of my life I lived paycheck to paycheck. For decades debt was a trap I couldn't get out of. I'm in good shape now. But it could easily have gone bad. Many divorces, bad career choices, and financial stupidity all had me close to the edge more than once.

I love this photo for it's melding of the symbolic and the literal. It's a bare concrete pier leading to a city of light and wealth. It's also a photo of the homeless, who you don't even see. By day the fishing boats pull up and sell live sea urchins and crab and lobster to the lucky. At night the unlucky use it as a bedroom that only faintly smells of fish guts.

I remember reading a news story several weeks ago about a man who lived alone. Like me he avoided being around people. Even friends and family rarely saw him. So as he went slowly insane and eventually started stabbing people, no one noticed until it was too late. Maybe they should have noticed, but how would they? Like me his only social presence was online. I don't feel crazy. I can't imagine ever stabbing anyone. But he likely felt the same way.

It's clear to me that I'm better off alone. You can only fail at relationships so many times before you must admit..... it's you. Blaming the others is easy. But come on..... it's you.

Maybe the symbology in this photo is more related to my own self imposed exile. Forever apart from the beautiful people and their wonderful relationships. But not just apart. Separated by a bay. Beyond even the homeless.

I choose to be alone. And I'm honestly happy alone. But at what cost?

<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
Sign-In With Google To Leave a Comment:
<<<<< previous blog         next blog >>>>>
News
San Diego weather
62.22 degrees F, Clouds (overcast clouds)
Min: 60.06 ,Max: 64.27 ,Humidity: 78, Wind: 6.91
San Diego - Hot new Restaurants
San Diego - Things to do
Recent Posts
- You okay?
    2022 - Cold war restarting, civil rights in jeopardy, spiraling inflation, shortages, racism and voting rights, neo-McCarthyism, voodoo economics. I feel like I've lived through this before.....
- Mac and Cheese
    In which Jon uses a distorted view of Keynesian economics to justify eating some diet destroying pasta and cheese sauce.
- Click bait
    I am famously a practicing proponent of eating one meal a day. Here's some new science.
- Jon is wise
    It's been said by many that I'm a wise man. That is how far we've fallen as a civilization.
- JonSullivan.com revisited
    Finally getting back to building new code and features for my blog.
- The rice problem
    This is how elderly shut-ins like myself go crazy.
- Bullshit
    Can we all agree that stuff I post here is not to be taken seriously by anyone?
Food I Cooked
Old School Blogroll
kottke.org
Home of fine hypertext products.
MetaFilter
A community weblog.
A Chicken Is Not Pillage
You forgot his exclamation point! It defines him. He put it there for a reason, to show how in! your! face! he is.
jessamyn.com
abada abada - twenty years of jessamyn
Matt Haughey
A Whole Lotta Nothing
dooce
Heater, Mother Of Lance
Anil Dash
A blog about making culture. Since 1999.
Some Bits
Nelson's weblog
Everlasting Blort
proud member of the reality-based community
Whatever
This machine mocks fascists
Scripting News
It's even worse than it appears.
Flutterby
Short attention spans in a world full of flowers
mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
Montreal City Weblog
Stupid Evil Bastard
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Idle Words
brevity is for the weak
Making Light
Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate.
wilwheaton.net
50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong
Justin Hall
Growing & breaking down since 1994
Mike the Mad Biologist
Helping idiots who desperately need my assistance by calling them fucking morons since 2004
jwz
MSSV
AKMA’s Random Thoughts
Ruminations about hermeneutics, theology, theory, politics, ecclesiastical life… and exercise.
things magazine
An occasional weblog about objects, collections and discoveries
Miscellaneous Heathen
Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past.
kimberussell.com
where it's always Virgo Season
Cockeyed
Recent Trips
Getting it ready for you.