Impetuous

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-12-07 - Jonism

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One of my defining personality disorders is my habit of making life changing decisions with little to no due diligence.

I didn't worry a lot about all the details regarding living in Oregon instead of San Diego. The entire logical thought process could be reduced to - Best life = photos = move to Oregon. It made sense, as simple minded as it was. I'd spent a long time perfecting being alone and simplifying my life and eliminating external needs. In a worst case scenario here, where I didn't change and just stayed home all the time, the biggest problem would be much fewer delivery options. And people told me the details. I just didn't care. Best life = photos = move to Oregon. So move.

Now, in hindsight, it was risky. There are problems. If I allow myself to be picky, there are lots of problems. I've already blogged about them, so no need to rehash it. But..... on balance..... It's wonderful and happy making and life changing in a good way too many of my snap decisions haven't been. Three months in should be the point where the honeymoon is over and I see the high price for my impetuousness. But I don't. I am so happy. This was a good idea. This was a fucking incredibly good idea.

I'm socializing. I'm taking tons of photos. I'm leaving the house on long grand adventures. I'm seeing people and talking to them. I'm opening my window shades and watching the seasons pass. The seasons. In San Diego seasons had become a thing other people in other places complained about. For 25 years seasons were a thing I just read about, like bigfoot. If I could pick one thing to be the theme on the promotional poster of this new life it would be the seasons. I had forgotten about seasons. And they are now the stage my life plays out on.

What an odd word - impetuous. Imp-like? Am I imp-like?

My new camera arrives tomorrow. It's the best camera I will have ever owned. And the most expensive. And the most complete overkill for an amateur. And it was also.... sort of.... another impulse event. I've been wanting it for years as Covid kept it delayed. It ticks all the boxes where my current camera is falling short. Especially the weather sealing. Not having to worry about my camera turning into a brick in a light rain will come in very helpful. And the ludicrous amount I spent on it will undoubtedly motivate me to up my game. Like re-exploring post processing workflows. Like getting to the hard to get to places. Like..... Who cares. It's going to be wonderful in a place of wonder. So imp-like.

One of my goals right now.... maybe my main goal.... is to learn to not be so hair-trigger with all my life changing decisions. Slow down. Take some time. Put it off. Make the decision later. Think more and impulse less. Not sure how to do that. Since 59 years of doing it wrong, three divorces, and thousands of fuckups I'd like a do-over for, hasn't yet led me to the epiphany.

Or not. It brought me here didn't it. And I am so happy. And there is so much more. Let my camera take me there.

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