Fatso

by Jon Sullivan - 2022-03-24 - Status

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By almost all measures my life is really good. But hanging over it all is the fat problem.

I hate being fat. And I know how to not be fat. And I want to not be fat. Yet I'm still fat. Something is not working. I eat healthy. I workout most days. I avoid all of the typical fat foods. Sure, I had a pizza a couple weeks ago. But it was a homemade whole wheat crust and it was the only thing I ate that day. A usual meal would be homemade chicken and brown rice soup with extra veggies, and some plain yogurt with blueberries. Still fat. A few years ago I lost about 40 pounds pretty easily. So I know how to do this. But then that massive blow to the head out in the desert thing happened. So, still fat.

It weighs on me.

I'm basically fat-shaming myself. For something I know how to fix, but just keep not fixing. Which I also shame myself for. Which helps nothing. Which I also shame myself for.

As a man of science, I understand how all this works. Calories in equals calories out. And if you cut calories back too much your body slows your metabolism down, making weight loss harder. But that is easily compensated for. Just exercise, count calories, run a slight calorie deficit, and balance it all based on daily weight tracking. If you do that and don't lose weight just exercise a bit more or eat a bit less. Easy. But somehow not easy.

I wish I could point to something really dumb I'm doing. Like, sure, of course I'm fat, I eat birthday cake for breakfast. But I don't. I eat fish and broccoli. Or like I spend my whole life staring at screens and playing video games. But I don't. I start my morning with a workout. Or like I eat little snacks all day. But I don't. Admittedly, I'm not the athletic type. I'm not "outdoorsy". But I'm far from inactive.

It needs to get fixed. It erodes too much of my happiness, and I've worked hard for my happiness. So count calories, exercise a bit more, eat a bit less, and don't deviate from that for 2-3 years. Easy.

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